Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
