Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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