Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
