New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
