So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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