im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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