I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
