How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
