I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
