just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
