I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
