Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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