you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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