so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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