When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
