just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
