I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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