she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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