I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If I die, sorry about rent.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
