I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
