I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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