i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
