Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
