my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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