I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You are a genius and a whore.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
