yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
