4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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