pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
