So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
