Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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