I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
