I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
