I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
