i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
