I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
