So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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