she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
