Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
