I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
