Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
