Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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