we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
