My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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