ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
pop tarts are not kleenex
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We were destined to go to rehab together
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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