..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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