check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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