Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize