I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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