he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
