Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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