After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
