In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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