i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
