Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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