Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
