Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
