I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
