But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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