Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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