So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We are all done wearing pants today
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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