New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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