Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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