the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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