I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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