Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
