I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
