Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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