What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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