I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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